I suspect that the most basic and powerf...

I suspect that the most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our  36 , and especially if it’s given from the  37 . When people are talking, there’s no need to do anything but  38 them. Just take them   39 . Listen to what they’re saying. Care about it. Most times caring about it is even more important than  40 it.

One of my patients told me that when she  41  to tell her story, people often  42  to tell her that they had once had something just like that happen to her. Subtly her pain became a story about themselves.  43  she stopped talking to most people. It was just too  44 . We connect through listening. When we interrupt what someone is saying to let them know that we understand, we move the  45  of attention to ourselves. But when we listen, they know we care.

I have ever learned to  46  to someone crying by just listening. In the old days I used to reach for the tissues(纸巾)  47  I realized that passing a person a tissue may be just another way to shut them  48 , to take them out of their  49   of sadness and pain. Now I just listen. When they have cried all they need to cry, they find me there  50  them.

This  51  thing has not been that easy to learn. It certainly went against everything I had been  52  since I was very young at school. I thought people listened only because they were too  53  to speak or did not know the answer. A loving silence often has far more  54  to connect than the most well-intentioned  55  .